I have recently been thinking of how the enforced solitude during the worst of the epidemic had people responding to it so differently. Some of us, though finding it tedious, settled into the isolation, keeping ourselves busy — even enjoying it; filling our days with books to be read, online courses, creative pursuits, even clearing shelves and cupboards. Others went crazy; no travelling, meeting physically with friends, family or even colleagues, not knowing how to structure working from home, or what to do with swathes of unusual free time.
Reading and re-reading took up a good chunk of my ample free time, a benefit of being a mostly retired person. And I came across these words again from Henry David Thoreau, speaking of his cabin in Walden — “I had three chairs in my house; one for solitude, two for friendship, three for society.”
Whether or not one has only three chairs in one’s home, this is about more than something to sit on. For Thoreau in a rather isolated place this meant one thing, for us in a crowded city it can mean other things as well.
The space or chair for solitude for us introverts can become the only chair we pay attention to. We wholeheartedly agree with Thoreau’s words: “I find it wholesome to be alone the greater part of the time.” But the more extraverted among us focus on the second or third — giving thanks for at least online connectivity that would not have been possible many years ago.
The second chair again works in different ways. Some of us have a few close friendships, others believe that everyone they meet deserves the title ‘friend’. I find it interesting how Thoreau had very clear ideas on friendship — he spoke of friends as those who ‘elevate one another’ — and bring out the best in each other. It’s a two-way process, nurturing and allowing oneself to be nurtured; being the giver and also the receiver.
The third chair is a reminder of our relationship with society. For some, this is restricted to reading papers and watching the news on television, then ranting over something. For others, it’s active involvement, however small, in issues of the day that bother us, and doing whatever way we can to make the world around us that small bit better.
The thing is that all three of these needs of solitude, friendship, and society are deeply necessary for each of us, but balance is important for our well-being.
Since we need all three, spending too much time on any one adversely affects the others. It’s good to reflect — and self-reflection can be seen as a first-chair task — about which chair you spend excessive time on, maybe to the detriment of the other two. Are you not just self-reflective but rather, too self absorbed? Do you give too much importance to friends, to being liked, and social image, perhaps even using the interactions to avoid understanding yourself better? Do you work for some ‘noble cause’ yet damage personal relationships? How do you give these compelling and often competing needs of solitude, friendship, and society each their due?
-Marguerite Theophil
