The Bold Voice of J&K

Managing parent Children relationship

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Dr .Daleep Pandita

Nowadays managing children, be them minor or major, married or unmarried, is facing typical socio-moral challenges leading to multidimensional unpleasant complications ultimately disturbing the whole family life. Notwithstanding the reasoning of generation gap and the tendency to shift over from joint family to nuclear family system, both children and parents tend to lead their life in their own way with freedom without unwanted restrictions.
Pursuing cut throat competition at all costs, adopting latest technology to achieve instant success, missing emotional and sentimental involvements, comparatively lesser religious inclinations, presenting low ethical values are some of the common characteristics imbibed by the present day generation.
While as excessive possessiveness, too much interference, over expectations, dependency on youth support system, having low socio economic capabilities are some of the traits exhibited by older generation.
By and large, youth of the day are introvert with issue based focused attitude while seniors are over explanatory and occasionally impatient. Young are physically active and mentally volatile while seniors are bodily passive and less tolerant. Even on financial aspect, present day youth are brand conscious with less cost conscious while as past day generation is need based and pecuniary in nature. May be seniors are not technologically updated but youth too are also not patient to update them.
This imbalance in both these basic natural characteristics cause mismanagement of this sensitive relationship that leads to stressful life between the parents and their children which finally collapses a family that adversely affect our entire social fabric.
This hiccup is not only due to alleged improper parenting rather it is mainly due to misunderstanding in the thought processes of both these generations. Religious gurus project it as due to lack of meditation, social intellectuals call it as Parental Mismanagement, community refers it as an unsocial attitude due to changing era, younger generation term it as generation gap and different other bodies give it many more terminologies. But mismanagement of this misunderstanding ultimately break this precious relationship.
Dealing with the difference of this opinion requires critical and in depth analysis to recognise and accept the basic reasons of difference and needs long term patient approach to handle this sensitive problem tactfully. Managing children is an art rather than rearing them as a responsibility. Love the relationship more than the person and respect the person more than the relationship, is a managerial approach to strengthen this bond. Many a times overlooking and ignoring some aspects in the way of living by the parents and adjustment and acceptance of facts in the way of living by the children, reduce the mounting tensions on both the sides to a greater extent. Practice of compromise and tolerance practicality produce encouraging results in handling present day family issues. Involvement of kith and kin in guiding either of the aggrieved unfortunately adds fuel to this fire, as true solution of this problem lies within one’s own family only.
(The author is a columnist retired as senior executive from Govt. of India PSU).

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