Doctors and therapists spend up to ten years to get a license to practice. But anyone can become a parent without any training or preparation. We need to create an ‘Institute of the Family’ where young people, before they get married, can go for one year to practice looking deeply into themselves to see what kind of seeds in them are strong and what kind are weak. If the positive seeds are too weak, prospective parents need to learn ways to water them in order to make them stronger. If the negative seeds are too strong, they should learn ways to transform them, to live in a way that those seeds will not be watered too much.
Mothers-to-be can learn how to sow seeds of happiness, peace, and joy, and avoid sowing unhealthy seeds in their babies’ store consciousness. Fathers-to-be also need to be aware that the way they act sows seeds in the store consciousness of their unborn child. Severe words, a reprehending look, or an uncaring action, the baby in the womb receives it all. The store consciousness of the foetus receives everything that is going on in the family. A thoughtless word or deed might stay with a child the rest of her life. We have received seeds of suffering from our parents. Even if we are determined to do the opposite of what our parents did, if we don’t know how to practice and transform these seeds, we will do exactly the same as they did. During our lifetime, we continue to receive seeds from our parents. Their joys and their suffering continue to penetrate us. If our father says something that makes our mother happy, we receive seeds of happiness. If our father says something that makes our mother cry, we receive seeds of suffering. You can protect your child from the beginning. Living mindfully is very important during the nine months that the baby is growing in the womb. And after the baby is born, parents should continue to be mindful. The baby may not understand the words of your conversation, but your voices convey your feelings. If you say something with love, the baby will feel it. If something is said in irritation, the child will receive it. Don’t think that because your baby is in the womb or still very tiny, he does not understand. Many children cannot bear the heavy atmosphere of their homes, and they hide in the bathroom or another room in order not to hear the words that create wounds in their hearts. Sometimes children get sick because of the way their parents talk to each other. They may then be afraid of adults and those in authority the rest of their lives. I have seen babies who play naturally and happily when no adults are in the room, but as soon as the door opens and an adult walks in, they become limp and silent. The seeds of fear in them are already so great. Suffering begins before we are born. And some seeds are present in us even before that, transmitted by our ancestors.
Mindful living — awareness that our children are a continuation of ourselves — is extremely helpful. Looking deeply and living mindfully, we see that our children are our continuation. They are nothing other than ourselves. If we have suffered because of our parents, we know that the negative seeds of our parents are already within us. If we aren’t capable of recognising those seeds in ourselves and practicing to transform them, we might do to our children exactly what our parents have done to us. This cycle of suffering can be put to an end through the practice of mindful living.
-Thich Nhat Hanh
