Aarshi Sharma
Marriage is the legal, social and holy union often idealized as haven of mutual love, respect and faith; shared between two individuals with their own unique identities, personalities and cultural backgrounds. It is a complex and multifaceted institution where both the partners must balance each other’s strengths and weaknesses. However, the institution of marriage has been a subject of extensive debate and analyses throughout the history.
According to the traditional roles and societal expectations, the idea about the functioning of the marriage institution largely depends on women portrayed as the primary caregivers, playing a much more significant role as compared to men, the more authoritative ones. This perspective is evident in various cultures, including Hindu scriptures, such as Manusmriti and the Ramayana etc. wherein, women were subjugated to some kind of emotional and social burdens.
As noted in Mahabharata (Shanti Parva),”The sufferings of women are profound, their endurance immense. They bear the weight of societal expectations and personal trials with unparalleled strength”.
In Ancient texts like, the Manusmriti, the key sources of Hindu laws and ethics, highlights the substantial role of women in maintaining family structures, showcasing theirrelentless resilience and fortitude. Historically, marriages have been structured around the patriarchal norms, where women are expected to conform to specific behaviours and prioritize their partner’s needs over their own, often suppressing their own desires and voices. This notion, still prevails, as it continues to influence the institution of marriage even today.
Thus, women’s subjugation within the marriage is a very common phenomenon, and mostly these issues remain buried leading to the cycle of recurrent unheard, unseen sufferings bared by women, bringing attention to the role of women in maintaining marital harmony by choosing to remain indifferent against all prejudices and mistreatment.
Hence, bringing us back to the earlier discussion, ‘Does the foundation of a successful marriage lie in the silent sufferings of women?’ and if it does, ‘Will the marriage be even considered successful in true sense?’
Within the traditional setting, for centuries, women have been relegated to specific domestic roles and abuse, which also resulted in denial of equality in opportunities, autonomy and recognition as an individual identity, leading to feelings of isolation, frustration and despair. These historical perspectives have perpetuated the notion that a successful marriage relies on women’s ability to endure and sacrifice. Cultural and societal expectations have long influenced the roles assigned to women within marriage
These silent sufferings can manifest as emotional neglect, being taken for granted hence, undervaluation or not appreciated enough, lack of economic stability or too much financial dependence on the counterpart, creating an imbalance of power, too much dominance over females through physical, emotional or psychological abuse, limited freedom etc.
Thus, beginning the never-ending cycle of suppression, sufferings, deprivation and relentless struggle, passed on like generational wealth of trauma. Different generations, different eras but the pain remains similar.
Studies have shown that women often shoulder a greater emotional and domestic labour than men, even when both partners are employed full-time. These struggles unfortunately, frequently go unnoticed adding to their silent sufferings, and reinforcing the idea that marital success is measured by how well women adhere to these roles.
In recent decades, divorce rates have been rising both globally and domestically, reflecting shifts in societal attitudes, legal frameworks, and individual expectations about marriage and relationships.
India is considered to have the lowest divorce rates globally, estimated to be around 1.1%, but in the past few years, it has witnessed a huge surge of 50% to 60% and interestingly, itis one of the few countries where most divorces are initiated by men.
Many tend to believe that the major reason for this spike could be related to the growing independence of women, which is challenging and re-defining the traditional gender roles. While other factors also contribute to a divorce, women often face more public scrutiny than the men if they attempt to end an unsatisfactory relationship.
Since a very long time, women especially in the Indian context have been subjugated on the basis of gender. The brutality over women have been such a common sight that we are now desensitized to even consider it as an abuse.
Abuse in the term we all understand is quite superficial, the word has a more nuanced meaning to it. For instance, we have all heard at some point in our life that the food at home is better and cheap than the restaurant one, but we often forget to count in the human labor put in by our mothers and wives. The home-made food is cheap because we sit back and watch 8 pm debates while the females of the house work putting in the time and efforts.
It might be very interesting to note that the rice eating states in India have better women literacy rates than the wheat eating states. The reason is quite simple, rice takes lesser time to get cooked hence lesser time in the kitchen and an avenue to do something apart from the labor in kitchen. This is that very silent suffering which we have been talking about here.
These are the small aspects of day-to-day life which have remained untouched for years and the reason we probably think or talk about them today is because these women have now gotten the traction they needed. This reality is easily reflected even in the smallest of incidents that occur on a daily basis that we don’t even consider them worth remembering, for example- in most cases, a child doesn’t shy or fear raising voice at his/her mother but fears and respects his father more.
This is what a traditional patriarchal mindset has led us to.
Much like Mother Earth, expected to provide mankind with countless and continuous supply of resources without asking for anything in return and is exploited selfishly and recklessly, women can be linked to our planet. They give out so selflessly and endure silently, despite the lack of consideration and gratitude from their own people. This is the essence of womanhood.
Sadly, we are still part of a society that fears empowerment, a society that considers women to be less than men, a society that expects women to endure everything with a smile on their face. Therefore, being part of a society like this wherein people have been conditioned to treat women as inferior gender and a modern, independent woman who’s aware of her rights and knows how to raise her voice as a threat to the society, household and marriage.
Although society may view a marriage as successful simply due to the number of years a couple has stayed together without divorcing, it doesn’t mean the relationship is healthy if mutual support and respect are lacking.
A strong and successful marriage is truly achieved when both partners are equally dedicated to tackling challenges and are willing to work together to build a fulfilling relationship and a promising present and past together.
But still majority of the people hold on to the traditional thinking of blaming failed marriages on the independency of women mostly due to their unease with their idea of women in power. It’s quite a paradox, in a country where we revere female deities for their unparalleled strength and valor, it’s ironic that many women are still treated as mere doormats and punching bags within their own homes.Strong women frequently encounter double standards. For example, assertiveness and leadership are often praised in men but criticized in women.
So, ‘does a woman’s decision to speak out in a society that usually expects her to endure silently create problems in the marriage?’ The answer is simple, look around and find out, reflect on the past and hear the silences between sentences that you might have left out, talk to her as she might speak up about the bare scars she might be hiding while enduring it all.
After all,”Women- nurturer, creator, fighter, dreamer, brave, resilient, vulnerable, fierce and everything subsuming; the kind of flower that shouldn’t be plucked but deserves to keep on blooming.”
(The author is student of BA (hons) English at Deshbandhu College, Delhi University)
