I am a super senior citizen of 89 years. I am physically fit, mentally alert, socially active, spiritually strong, but I get emotionally unbalanced at times. I did so many good and bad deeds during my long career of 60 years as HRD in corporations. Often, I become uncomfortable by recollecting my bad deeds, and at other times, I feel proud of my achievements. My question is, what was the guiding factor in my life – Purushartha or Prarabdha? If Prarabdha, then I didn’t commit any sin to feel sorry for, nor can I feel proud of my achievements. I acted as destined! If it was Purushartha, then what was the guiding factor? Why should I feel sorry for my wrong deeds? Does Prarabdha govern Purushartha or Purushartha govern Prarabdha? – Nirmal Kumar, 89 years.
Dear Nirmal, First of all, congratulations on your healthy, alert longevity and presence of mind.Your question concerns the balance between free will and determinism. Some actions, we are told, are Karmic debts that must be repaid, while others are spontaneous outcomes of our own choice. Is this outlook valid? No one can tell, for if we are puppets controlled by a higher destiny, the strings are invisible. All choices feel propelled by desire in the end – we act as our impulses motivate us to. Therefore, the application of Karma to morality seems questionable to me. With any action, you cannot know to whom or what you owe a debt.With any free choice,you cannot know how much, if any, of the choice was predetermined. Why then,does the Vedic tradition speak in this way of Purushartha and Prarabdha? Using ‘my Karma made me do it’ as an excuse for bad actions isn’t moral,and besides,your letter shows that ‘good’ and ‘bad’ actions are decided personally. In the cosmic scheme, you could be good to a mass murderer sometime in the future. The notion that the universe is morally balanced lies at the heart of the doctrine of Karma, and on faith we may accept that the ancient Rishis saw deeper into the issue than ordinary minds ever could. But I think Karma, a morally balanced universe, the labelling of good and bad deeds, are all human constructs.They are derivatives of experience, and experience is shaped by our perceptions, interpretations, biases, fears, denial, guilt, egotism, and so on. Nothing universal applies in a scheme where every element is human. As for your personal sense of guilt and pride, it’s only natural to reflect on such a long, useful life, but don’t let your memories sit in judgement of who you are or what your life has meant.There’s no abiding truth in self-judgement and often little use.