Shift from seeking love, wanting love, to just being love, says Brahma Kumari Sister Shivani, talking about conflicted relationships that are being perceived as the root cause of stress in our lives.
In conversation with The Speaking Tree editor, Narayani Ganesh, at the fifth edition of Times Litfest, Delhi, during a session titled ‘Soul-to-Soul: That Thing Called Love,’ held on November 30 at the India Habitat Centre, Sister Shivani said that relations between parent and child and between spouses — meant to bring happiness, acceptance and love — are being labelled as the cause of stress.
“We are from a generation that saw 20 people living together in a joint family, and we are now witness to young people determined not to marry or to have children, choosing to live alone, and averse to forming relationships because they see them as stressful, requiring too much emotional investment. But this is not true. We are beings of love. With so much love within us, already, we do not have to go begging for love from others. But others are unable to give us love because they, too, are looking for love, not having discovered or cultivated it in themselves! To love is the original nature of the soul; ‘I am into relationships only for giving’. Once we get this, we’ll be transformed,” she says.
Asked how one can equip oneself to be able to give love, Shivani Behn used the metaphor of a spent battery. “The soul, according to Brahma Kumaris, is like a battery. If it is fully charged, you are emotionally healthy, and happiness, peace, love are your natural way of being. When the battery gets depleted due to negligence, you start looking for happiness outside, including in what you buy and what you achieve. You go on pilgrimages or on holidays, seeking peace. And you want others to love you. But what do you have to give them? Without recharging your battery, how can you give?” asks the youthful Shivani.
How does one recharge one’s battery, then? “Well,” says Sister Shivani, “spiritually, we need to energise ourselves, that is, recharge our battery with meditation and positive actions like reading scriptures or happy content first thing in the morning. Devote at least 30 minutes to an hour each morning before you begin your day that is bound to be receiving a lot of negativities. Practise affirmations that will help you navigate the day ahead.”
In the process of learning to love oneself, how can one protect oneself from turning narcissistic and selfish? Shivani Behn pointed out that being love and loving oneself is very different from being self-obsessed. Self-obsession is a sign of a depleted battery. With self-care, when we are full of love, we radiate love and purity to everybody; like the sun radiating sunlight all around.
“When you are empty inside, then even the slightest negative behavior of others, hurts; you feel rejected, manipulated, controlled. This is because you don’t have the energy within, nor are you emotionally healthy. That is when you withdraw from people. The one who takes care of himself everyday will not hesitate to go out into the world, just being himself,” she says.
-Mona Mehta