Vijay Garg
The past shapes our present. The present is past the next moment, to make way for the future. We are left with memories which also teach us invaluable lessons
I was also a mischievous child like any other young boy my age. I was assured of a haven, hiding behind my grandmother, whenever my parents were inclined to scold me. She would then counsel my parents to be more indulgent, simultaneously telling us to be particular about our behaviour.
I recall another memory from childhood. Our return home from school coincided with my mother’s siesta. We would tiptoe into the house, careful not to disturb her. One afternoon I was excited enough to wake her to tell her about my outstanding results in the examinations. Still groggy, she hugged and blessed me, before continuing with her sleep. I still cannot forget her spontaneous reaction, even though I had interrupted her much needed rest.
My father was short-tempered in his younger days. He usually rested and slept on Sunday afternoons. We tried to be as quiet as children could be. One day, we might have been noisier than usual, and ended up soundly thrashed by him. Later in the evening, I witnessed a different facet of my father’s personality. He gruffly apologized for having hurt me. I learnt an important lesson. There is no shame in accepting your mistake.
I remember the day I met the young girl who became my wife and life partner in the next few months. I also remember I had eyes only for her during the wedding reception. Those were the heady days before we buckled up to the serious business of making a life together. We have been married for 40 years. These have not been easy decades, faced with the harsh realities of life. We never give up, whatever the setbacks. We work towards the common goal of leading a happy and contented life together. There is respect, and a recognition of the need for space for each to evolve as an individual.
Another nostalgic memory is from a long-ago holiday to Puri. Our guest house was a couple of hundred meters from the seashore. Our daughters were much younger. I was, and continue to be, a protective father, worrying about their safety. That one day, I sat on the veranda, fondly looking at the two children playing on the beach. I was proud of their happiness as they shrieked with joy creating something with sand.
My mother kept a copy of Ramcharitmanas in her prayer corner. I read somewhere that you could find a solution to any problem from the epic. All you had to do was open any page, and the top line would help you find ways to tackle your most pressing issue. I also tried it sometimes. I learnt that I could not always tackle situations through conventional thinking while navigating the complex labyrinths of life. Fair play, guiding the team members, impartiality, giving undivided time to team members however busy you might be, empathy, working for the team, pride in the performance of the team members, and out-of-box thinking, were only a few of the invaluable lessons that my experiences taught me. They have stood me in good stead through the rough and tumble of life.
The words of psychiatrist, Abraham Twerski would resonate with many, “Ruminating about the past will get you nowhere. So go ahead and learn from the past whatever you can, and then put it behind you. Remember, there is nothing you can do to change it, but you can use its lessons to improve your future.”
(The author is Retired principal Educational and Columnist)