Negative thinking is a tragic pattern that many of us fall prey to. Sadly, we do it because we’ve been programmed to do it.
One part of the problem stems from our basic culture of education and discipline, which is a system based on punishments rather than rewards. The children who do well and behave are ignored, while the kids who cause problems are the ones who get all the attention. So, we don’t hear and learn positive ways of thinking and identifying, but the negative ones are emphasized. Whenever we make a mistake we hear, ‘You’re stupid, you’re bad, you’re this, you’re that,’ and we internalize the message and also the voice.
The other part of the problem comes from the rest of the culture— media, politics, etc.—that is rooted in and founded upon convincing us that we are lacking something in our lives which they are going to fulfil. This is called marketing. If you already have everything, how am I going to sell you something? I need you to feel that there is something missing in you, which my product is going to solve. This is how advertising works.
Look at car commercials. They’re selling freedom, driving off into the horizon. How many among us feel stuck in our jobs or other aspects of our lives? We see the commercial and we say to ourselves, ‘God, freedom looks so good. If I just had that car, I too could drive off into the sunset. Leave everything behind.’ They’re not selling airbags, brakes and seat comfort; they’re selling freedom, romance. Want to sell a sports car? The guy with the car has the beautiful lady. Want to sell an SUV? Kids in the back seat are singing together. While your own kids try to strangle each other in the back seat, the subliminal message of the commercial is that you have the wrong model of car. But if you buy this SUV, your kids too will sing in the back seat.
So, through marketing and advertising, we are indoctrinated and brainwashed to believe that: a) we’re not enough, and there’s something wrong with us, b) these people have what we need and c) we’re running out of time. Now that ploy sounds very superficial, and even if we don’t internalize the message about the car, we do internalize the message that we are not enough. And we project that in our lives, so thoughts of lack plague our minds.
The way to deal with negative thoughts is to, first of all, make a commitment to practice compassion in your life to compassion, and make sure that that commitment includes you. Make a commitment to loving kindness, and make sure that you are also a recipient of it.
Second, identify the voices. As the negative voice comes into your mind, ask, ‘Who are you? Are you a commercial, are you my fifth-grade teacher, are you my mother who always asks, “Why can’t you be like your sister?”’ We internalized negative messaging somewhere.
Sadhvi Bhagawati Saraswati