Shonima Malhotra
Just ask yourself a question, ‘Are you perfect?’ I am cent percent sure that your answer will be in negative. Isn’t it? Then what gives you the right to pass a comment against others and criticize them? But still we do that considering it to be our birth right. The matter of fact is that instead of working on self-improvement, we are more inclined towards criticizing others. To criticize or condemn others is a very common trait prevailing amongst us. In fact for some people criticism acts as a tonic which boost their physical and mental energy level. But have you ever realized what is just simply a time pass or a means of amusement for you, how much pain this might inflict on others and to what extent this might affect their physical and mental health? It hardly takes a second to open your mouth and utter a comment against someone, ‘Do you know A’s daughter or son has fled with someone or do you know B’s son or daughter has become a drug addict’? and a lot more…… Being inconsiderate towards those person’s troubles and pain, we enjoy making fun of them by making them a subject of gossip. Come on, just try to put yourself in their shoes and realize their condition instead of speaking ill of them. Moreover imagine if someone criticizes you, how would you feel? Certainly, you won’t be happy with it. So why do something to others when you cannot tolerate it on your own. I remember when I was in school one of my friends who had participated in an extempore had to speak on this topic. Though it has been long but I still remember one of the examples she gave. She said that when we point a finger at someone do remember that the other three fingers are pointed towards our own selves. So, instead of focusing on that one pointed finger towards someone, better pay attention to the other three fingers which are pointed at you. It will undoubtedly upgrade you as a person and help you become a better version of you. Don’t you think this should be your priority?
I don’t say that criticism is always wrong. The phrase that ‘every coin has two sides’ is applicable in case of criticism also. In consonance with this phrase, healthy and positive criticism is constructive rather than destructive side of criticism. Undoubtedly, by doing so one is doing no harm to anyone physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually, rather one is helping other person to grow and improve. So if you want to indulge in criticism indulge in constructive rather than destructive aspect of it so that at least you will be able to do some benefit to others and also maintain your own purity. By resorting to unhealthy criticism don’t play with other’s feelings and emotions and degrade your level. It has been very aptly said, ‘Only the wearer knows, where the shoe pinches’. It is something very natural that when our lives are going on smoothly, we don’t realize the bad and tough times the other people are going through, rather it becomes a kind of news for us which we enjoy circulating to others adding our own spices to it . We tend to forget that time never remains the same and one day we might fall in the same situation which the other person is facing today. So, beware of this before targeting someone and stop poking your nose in other person’s lives unnecessarily. We are fortunate enough to have ample sources of recreation, so why resort to this petty unhealthy practice.
I would also like to add that we cannot change others way of thinking or stop them from criticizing, but if we are at the receiving end, we have the power to decide how to react to this criticism. We need to demarcate and draw a line regarding which criticism is to be taken seriously and which one is to be avoided. Never forget that no matter how hard we try, we cannot always satisfy everyone. We will always be right for some people and wrong for others. Always remember that the glass will always be half filled for few and half empty for others. It is all about perspectives. Nothing else. So, if we know in our hearts of hearts that we are correct on our part and our conscience is clear, we simply need to let go off unjust criticism without paying pay a heed to the unhealthy remarks and judgements of others. But if someone is suggesting us something which we know is for our good we should not feel offended, rather we should be grateful to that person for helping us tread on the path of self improvement. We should welcome such suggestions with open minds and hearts and put them into practice without a delay. I strongly feel that if someone is genuinely concerned about you he/she would never make fun of your situation and would tell you about your short comings directly on your face instead of talking behind your backs. Believe me, you are lucky and fortunate enough if you have someone in your life that criticizes you and gives you sincere advice for your betterment, rather than someone who falsely flatters you.
The essence of true wisdom is in understanding and improving oneself. Instead of judging and criticizing others, we should emphasise on introspection and acknowledge and improve upon our own flaws.
Bura Jo Dekhan Mein Chala, Bura Naa Milya Koye,
Jo Mann Khoja Apnaa, To Mujhse Bura Naa Koye.
(The writer is Assistant Professor of Sociology, GDC Sidhra)