SHONIMA MALHOTRA
‘One of the greatest titles in the world is parent, and one of the biggest blessings in the world is to have parents to call mom and dad.’- Jim DeMint.
One of the varied social institutions, an individual comes across during his/her lifetime is the family. In fact, it is the first institution that an individual encounters immediately after birth. A family is the most basic unit of society, ascribing the members their identity. I feel this institution is no less than a heaven wherein we are bestowed with so many wonderful and beautiful relations. Life is nothing without these relations. Life becomes meaningless if we have no relations because it is these relations personified in the form of mother, father, sister, brother, uncle, nephew etc. which provide emotional and psychological stability and security to us. It is these varied familial relations which enrich our lives by providing us love, care, protection and affection. No doubt each and every single relation in the family has its own individual importance but the relation that we share with our parents is the most blessed one. The purest and the most selfless form of love is the LOVE OF PARENTS. Nobody on earth can ever love you more than your parents. Lucky are those who get an opportunity to experience this form of love in their lives. There is a song from a very famous movie with the lyrics, ‘Har Kissi Ko Nahi Milta Yahan Pyar Zindagi Mein, Khushnaseeb Hein Wo Jin Ko Hai Mili Yeh Bahar Zindagi Mein.’ I would like to rephrase it as, ‘Har Kissi Ko Nahi Milta Yahan Parivaar Zindagi Mein, Khush Naseeb Hein Wo Zinko Hai Mila Maa – Papa Ka Pyar Zindagi Mein.’
‘Parents’- like any other word seems to be an ordinary word, few alphabets ordered to form a single word. But the depth and sanctity that this word carries is beyond expression. The word ‘PARENTS’ itself is so great- be it is used to address human parents or non-human parents. Even non human parents care so much for their child – a mother sparrow bringing food in its beak and feeding its child, animal parents carry their baby so softly from one place to other. Such a beautiful view to witness. I know everyone’s parents are special to them and no doubt all parents are the best. But perhaps I am being biased when I say that I have got the ‘World’s Best Parents’. I feel myself to be extremely fortunate for being gifted with the best of parents in my life. Through this article I would like to express my gratitude towards, ‘My Parents’- Pure, Perseverant, Pious, Protective, Patient, Admirable, Adorable, Appreciable, Amazing, Rainbow With All The Colours, Reliable, Revered, Resourceful, Respectable, Emotional, Encouraging, Enthusiastic, Energetic, Ever-giving, Entertaining, Enlightening, Nice, Natural with no artificiality, Trustworthy, Truthful, Thoughtful, Talented, Trending, Supportive, Smart, Smiling, Scintillating, Superb, Stunning, Strict yet Sweet – all these qualities, rather many more define my parents. I feel I can go on writing pages and pages but will still fall short of words and space to define and describe them.
I have a very small simple yet cultured family. My mother, a postgraduate in Economics, is a housewife. She is superbly multi-talented and bestowed with highly artistic skills. Be it cooking, baking, knitting stitching, gardening, she is well versed in all these. She is highly creative too. My father, an engineer by profession , too is equally multi – skilled and innovative. But their greatest quality is that they are the ‘Best Parents’. As a matter of fact, not only the best parents, but also the greatest grandparents. A song very rightfully fits here, ‘Bagho Ke Har Phool Ko Apna Samjhe Bhagban, Har Ghadi Kare Rakhwali, Patti Patti Dali Dali Sinche Bhagban’. My parents are equally protective about my nephew as they are about me. My mother and father have nurtured me in the best possible way. If I talk about my mother, I wonder, what not has she done for me? Be it stitching of frocks or suits for me, knitting beautifully designed cardigans for me, cooking world’s best food for me, baking tastiest cakes for me, educating me -she has done every single thing for me. I still remember how my mother kept the bed ready and cosy with blanket and hot water bottle when I used to come back in winters from school and college, served hot food to me, helped me in my home work and other assignments, played with me, listened to my chit chat, greeted my friends with so much love and warmth and provided best quality time to me. Infact, my friends still relish the food and delicacies prepared by my mother. Expressing my thoughts about my father, he is not only best in his profession but best as a father too. He too has not failed in doing the minutest and tiniest things that a father can do for his child. I can never forget my father’s laborious efforts for me-he worked so hard so that I can get everything in my life; he dropped and picked me up from school, college, university; helped me in my education and other works; dropped me somewhere and waited hours for me to come back without a frown on his face; played with me and a lot more. Even now when I have entered into a profession, he helps me in solving many of my profession -related queries. I know he is an engineer by profession but still whenever a doubt raises in my mind regarding my subject of teaching, he is the first person I approach because I know he is intelligent enough to solve my doubt, whenever I face any problem in my life or have a doubt in taking any decision again, he is the first person I ask for help. Infact our relation is such that if I don’t call him from my work place ,he will call me and ask ‘Kya Hua, Aaj Tune Call Nahikiya,’ or will say,’ Socha Call Karke Pooch Loon, Sab Thik Hain Na’ or will lovingly tease me that ‘Tu Bahar Hai and We Are Enjoying Aloo Paranthas or Pakoras’. I now he is only pulling my leg because it is never possible that my parents will have something and not keep it for me. Rather the reverse is possible that I can have something without them but they can never do so. Me and my father are very fond of cold drinks. In fact, we fight like kids for it- At times, I would tell him, ‘Papa, you have filled your glass more, I have got less’ or he would say ‘I am having cold drink just to give company to you so that you don’t feel bad that you are having it alone.’ But for me this fake fight is priceless and I love this teasing. Ah, what wonderful moments and memories. We share that special father- daughter bond. To tell the truth, my mamma papa are my best friends and I share every fraction of a second of my life with them. It gives me ultimate comfort and peace. Because of them, life seems so easy.
My parents have been ever present for me. They have always supported me in my good and bad times. My achievements bring a satisfactory smile on their faces and my hardships make them tense. I still remember their proud faces when I scored good marks in my exams or when I got a job. I can never forget that moment when my father blessed me by keeping his hand on my head and saying ‘Shabash’ when he got to know that I have been selected as an Assistant Professor. They have rendered every possible help in my odd situations. Whenever I fall sick they take extreme care of me and tell me ‘Agar Tabiyat Zyada Kharab Ho Jaye, To Utha Lena.’ They have spent so many sleepless nights for me. Even during COVID times, they have rendered great help to me. At that time I was posted at GDC Udhampur, and at times I had to go to the college. Due to corona I did not use to travel in buses and had never drive on highways. So, when I was left with no other source of going to the college, my father used to drive and take me to Udhampur and waited outside for hours in scorching heat or chilling winter till my work got finished. At times, even my mother accompanied us to the college. I know it was not easy but they did it for me without having any complaints. Infact, even when they are not well themselves, they still think and care about me and tell me ‘Thak Gayi Na, Ja Thora Rest Kar Le’. Some of you might find it weird, but to me it is a way of expressing their love for me. Yeh Hein Mere Parents. But I would not forget to mention that though my parents have left no stone unturned to provide me with all the comforts of life, this does not mean that they have made me completely dependent. If I have travelled by cars, I have travelled by public transport also and have even walked on foot. I am not that delicate. Providing me with all possible comforts, they have made me tough enough to face the harsh realities of life. In nutshell, they have cooked and baked my life by adding all the essential ingredients (moral values) into it in right proportion, have put the right stitch ( love or scolding) at right time, have knitted my life using both bright and dull colours thereby preparing me for both good and worse. I am proud of the way they have raised me up.
I am reminded of few lines of a song from Hum Saath Saath Hain movie, ‘Dharti Pe Roop Maa-Baap Ka, Uss Vidhata Ki Pehchan Hai’. But I affirmatively believe that my parents are not the reflection of God, but have a status higher than Him. Being a non – believer in God, I feel God negotiates with us. He gives us as per our Karmas. As your Karmas, so will you get the result. That is why I hold my parents higher than God because whatsoever my parents do for me do not depend on my karmas and deeds. No matter how I behave with them, they will always be positive towards me and will always keep giving me and showering blessings upon me selflessly. I would like to add, ‘Na Kuch Poocha Na Kuch Maanga, Aapne Dil Se Diya Jodiya.Na Kuch Bola Na Kuch Tola, Muskura Ke Diya Jo Diya. Aur Kuch Na Chahun Bas Aapka Saath Zindagi Bhar Chahun.’ I know some people believe what is so great about it? If they have given birth to me then its their duty to raise me. But it is not so. What the parents do for their children is not easy. Infact, becoming a parent and raising a child is not a joke or an easy nut to crack. They really have to toil hard for that.Had it been so easy to act selflessly for someone, why cannot we reciprocate in the same manner to our parents when it comes to us?
Not to go far, I will quote my own example. At times, I think what have I given them in return? I know that like any other parent, they too don’t accept anything from me but that does not mean I forget and neglect my duties towards them. But then I realise that is what I actually do. You know normally like many others, I too tend to take my parents for granted or in rage of anger don’t realise what words I am saying to them. Supposedly, they have to come to pick me up and I get late and they have to wait they maintain their calm, but if by chance, they get late and I need to wait, I lose my temper. I don’t want to come out of my comfort zone where I had no responsibilities and my parents used to do everything for me. It is important for me to understand and accept that if I have grown big, my parents have also grown older and should not be over burdened. I need to understand that though that do not say anything, age is having its impact on them. I ought to understand their silence. It happens very rare but seldomly only if they ask me to go and get something from the market my response is ‘Aaj Chutti Hai, Aap Chale Jao Na’ and their greatness is that they actually go. I fail to acknowledge the fact that its time for me to relieve them of their responsibilities and become a supporting hand for them. Its simply that I tend to take my parents for granted. Knowingly that this is entirely wrong on my part, I still at many points of time, do so. I do repent for my actions later but that repentance is too late on my part.
It is out of my personal experience that I am saying that we realize our responsibilities well in time because life and time are irreversible. We might regret throughout our lives for our behaviour but as aptly phrased ‘Ab Pachtaya Hot Kya Jab Chidiya Chug Gayi Khet’. So it better you mend your behaviour in time because no matter how much you regret later, nothing is going to change. Having written about my personal experience, I would like to add about the general transformation taking place in the society that it is extremely pathetic and disheartening. Children after growing older are becoming selfish, individualistic and materialistic in their approach and do not want to take the responsibility of their old parents. As a matter of fact, the significance of family of orientation is being replaced by the family of procreation. But how can they forget that they owe their lives to their parents, how can they forget that throughout their lives their parents have struggled so hard to provide them with all the necessities of life, how can they forget that their parents have sacrificed their own dreams so that their dreams get fulfilled? How can they forget the patience their parents have shown towards them in raising them up and making them learn so many things in life?
Now when the shoulders that used to carry them sternly have become lean, the hands that held them firmly have grown feeble, the feet that guided them towards their destination have started stumbling, the voices that supportively stood for them have started stammering, the brains that gave them wonderful fantastic ideas have begun to forget things – in short, when the parents need the supportive shoulders, protective hands, strong feet, caring voice, quick and active brains of their children, the children just so easily step back and shun their responsibilities. They do not hesitate a bit in ousting their helpless parents and elders from their homes and sending them to aged homes or even throwing them on the streets, thereby shattering the purity and sanctity of this pious relation. Even if they let them live with them, they treat them just as non living things, rather even worse than those because they care for the non living stuff but not for their parents. And that is even worse than leaving them to aged homes. How can the love for material things or due to some other reasons the memories of the beautiful time spent with their parents get faded away. Are the relationships so brittle in modern times?
Very often we hold generation gap, lack of patience, outburst of anger, western culture, materialistic approach and many other such irrelevant factors responsible for such behavior. But I feel that it is solely the individuals themselves who are responsible for such behavior. Was there no generation gap in the previous generations? When they could manage, why cannot we? Is the western culture being imposed on us, don’t we have a choice regarding what to adopt and what not? If our emotions are not in our control, who is at fault? The answers to these questions make it pretty clear that no external factor can ever make us act in such rude manner, if we do not wish so. So it not the outside factors but our inner-selves which need to be controlled and altered for the parent-child relationships to be maintained. So the crux is that parents are always loving and caring. It is the children who are at fault.
Let me remind you that no matter how successful you become in your lives, but without your parents and their love you are all alone. They are the support system of your lives. You are blessed to have someone whom you can proudly call ‘Your Parents’. Think about those who are born as orphans or or have lost either their mother or father. So, it’s advisable that you understand the importance of your parents well in time. Let’s spend time finding ways to protect the family unit in society by starting at home of our own. Otherwise there is no use celebrating ‘Mother’s Day’ or ‘Father’s Day’. Instead let’s make each day a ‘Parents Day’. Create beautiful memories each day that you can cherish, not such moments that will keep haunting you throughout your lives. The choice is yours. People come and go in our lives like changing weather, but the only people who remain constant are our parents.
(The author is Assistant Professor in Sociology, GDC Sidhra.).
